The Bonds of Love
by FlourTheCat
Summary: In honor of Valentine's Day, Urahara decided that the various members of the human world should get to know each other better. Humor. No pairings.


Summary: In honor of Valentine's Day, Urahara decided that the various members of the human world should get to know each other better. Humor. No pairings.

Timeline: None in particular.

February 14th. The day of love, the day of hidden confessions, the day of sweet, sweet candies. Or not.

In a certain store, in a famous town, with Soul Society's own Substitute Soul Reaper, a group was gathered.

And not just any group. A group that was beyond the normal. A group that interacted with the afterlife. A group like no other. Perhaps they weren't all the same species, but would that stop love from blooming?

Yes.

"Ichigo…! Why are we doing this again?" Kon whined as he, Ichigo, and Isshin walked to the Urahara store.

"Because I don't want to know what Hat and Clogs will do to us if we don't."

"I'm sure it will be fuuuuuunnnn~!" Isshin cried with a spin, before slamming into Ichigo's awaiting arm, followed shortly by the ground. "Ooff!"

Elsewhere, another group was having a similar conversation.

"Uryu."

"Ryuken."

"It's disrespectful to talk to your father like that."

"So?"

"Hm." Ryuken thought his son was a lost cause.

"Why are you coming to this?"

"Why are you?"

"I'm not the one that always says, 'Stop interacting with Soul Reapers.'"

"I have my reasons."

"Sounds like denial."

"You'll understand eventually."

And yet another group was walking along.

"Bah. What does that idiot have planned now?" Renji complains.

"Don't be mean to Mr. Urahara!" Orihime exclaims.

"What has he ever done for me?"

"He's sheltered you! He gave you food!"

"Wow, Renji, you sound like a dog." Rukia said in a tone of amusement.

Renji glared at her. Chad continued his silence.

And at their destination, Urahara couldn't wait. "Thanks for your help, Tessai~"

"Anytime, boss."

It was time. Everyone was ushered into a room that was emptied, seemingly just for the occasion. A big red circle was painted onto the floor, with a similar box a few feet away.

"Alright everyone!" Urahara calls, standing on the box. "Please take a seat on the red circle, as demonstrated by Yoruichi!"

Yoruichi lifted her head from her spot. She wasn't in the same spot where she went to nap at. Someone was going to die.

Staring at each other, everyone proceeded to take a seat on the circle.

"I need total silence! Now please! I'm not going to hurt any of you, so remain still and calm!" Urahara said, before beginning to start a Kido spell.

"Great King of lasting fate! Lone Heaven of burning Hell! Summon down the six rods of burning passion, and leave thee all to face your wrath! Binding spell number 27 part one! Great Whisper Bond!"

A red sphere of energy appeared in the center of the circle. Not many of the people were concerned, yet. Suddenly, twelve energy tentacles whipped out of eat, each one grabbing a hold of one person's wrist.

There was an uproar.

"What the h—l?"

"Hmm?"

" O.O "

"GEYAH!"

"Leggo of me!"

"QUIET!"

The final one was Tessai. Everyone was smart and listened, mouths being left in various sizes of o's.

Urahara continued with his spell.

"Great Heaven of lasting Hell! Lone King of burning fate! Split apart the rods of passion, and leave thee to face themselves! Binding spell number 27 part two! Splintering Whisper Bond!"

The ball began to glow unbearably bright, before suddenly dispersing with the sound similar to that of an explosion. Upon the clearing of the light, the gathered group would realize that they were no longer bound to each other, but in twos.

"What's going on?"

"KISUKE!"

"Just great."

Urahara's only response is to smile, even with the variety of stares placed on him. He pulls out his fan, not caring that the action pulled his partner, Kon, into the air. "So, everyone! In honor of Valentine's Day, I decided that we should get to know each other better! So with the help of this handy spell created by Tessai, I found a way to let us do so!"

Now the glares were split between Urahara and Tessai.

GROUP 1! URAHARA AND KON!

Urahara smiles at Kon, "Where would you like to go for our date?"

Kon tried to get away from Urahara, but only succeeded in getting a few feet into the air. "AWAY FROM YOU! Why did I get the creep? Why couldn't I have my lovely Rukia or the valley of the gods?"

The rope that was holding Kon didn't break, and gravity stepped in. Like a pendulum, Kon swung back down, straight into Urahara's waiting kick. This repeated several times, until Kon managed to grab and hold onto a chair. "Why do you abuse me?" Kon exclaims.

Ignoring the question, Urahara repeats, "Where would you like to go? Hmmm… So I don't look like a fool, I'll even make you a special Gigai."

"Oh joy." Kon said, obviously not interested. He was still clinging onto the chair. "I want to get away from you! Does that count?"

"You don't want your own body?" Urahara said, "I feel insulted! And to think, if you cooperated, I was even going to let you keep it!"

Kon thought long and hard about it. He then agreed.

"Great!" Urahara exclaimed.

However, one should never agree to a plan of Urahara's because before Kon knew it, the mod soul was out of the plush, and into a body.

A woman's body.

Kon screamed. A high pitched, woman's scream. Then, he decides to check out his body in the mirror. It wasn't difficult to figure out what he was admiring.

Urahara waves his fan innocently, "Comeee onnn~ We still have a date to go on~"

Kon doesn't seem to be leaving the mirror anytime soon.

"Just remember that I can take you out just as easily as I put you in~!" Urahara chimed. The phrase just sounded wrong.

Kon stares at him, before walking over. What Kon didn't expect is the attack of the high heels. Tripping, his face met the ground, "What ARE these torture devices?" He wails. Urahara will need to replace a few windows. Said Urahara just continues waving his fan.

Kon carefully climbs back to his feet, and slides to the door. It doesn't work out very well. Urahara is kind enough to sidestep, however…when Kon reaches out to support himself on him.

Kon manages to right himself with a glare to Urahara. He continues scooting along, finally reaching the door. He yelps when his nails collide with the knob. "Why is all of this so PAINFUL?"

"Are you liking it?" Urahara calls.

"Minus the pain!" He responds, slipping out of the front door.

Urahara was beside him in a second, twirling the lion plushie that was still connected to his wrist. In his haste, Kon didn't even realize the energy bond was gone. "Sorry, but we have to redo that. I was supposed to open the door for you." Though his tone sounded sincere, one look into Urahara's eyes gave it away.

"What." Kon couldn't believe it.

Urahara gives a mocking bow. Kon was somehow back inside of the store again, "After you, ma'am."

"After WHO?" Kon exclaims.

Urahara's eyes twinkled in delight.

Kon's twinkled in hate, as he, once again, attempted to walk out of the door.

Urahara opens the door as he said, then slams it in Kon's face.

Kon thuds backwards into the floor.

"Sorry about that!"

"NO YOU AREN'T!" Kon screams, readying his giant purse to whack Urahara into oblivion.

"Catch me if you cannnn~" Urahara flees out of the door. He had something planned.

Kon was smart enough to take off the heels. He placed them in the purse as a better weapon, before running after Urahara, all the while screaming in his woman's voice.

Just as he was about to catch Urahara, he disappeared and Kon slammed into someone else, who spoke.

"WATCH I-," They were about to scream before, "Ohh wooowww!"

Chizuru wrapped him in a giant bear hug. Kon wasn't the only one admiring his body now.

"IMMA GUUYY! IMMMMMMAAAAAA GGUUUUUUUUYYYYYY!"

GROUP 2! ORIHIME AND RYUKEN!

Orihime didn't have much choice but to follow the adult as he walked along the street. They seemed to be heading towards the hospital, though with the set-up of the town, it was hard to tell.

It was in short, awkward.

Giving a slight chuckle, Orihime tried to make some small talk, "Um…great weather we're having…isn't it?"

"I suppose."

Awkward silence.

"…So… you're Uryu's son?"

"Regretfully. …Wait, what?"

"OH OPPS! I can't believe I said that! I meant father!"

"My answer remains the same. Regretfully."

"Aw! Don't say that! Uryu is a great person!"

Surprisingly, Ryuken didn't completely deny it, "Perhaps."

"So, why do you hate him so much?"

"That's not your business."

"O-oh. Okay…"

More awkward silence.

Something in Orihime just kind of said, 'Heck with it." She started asking lots of questions, trying to overcome the silence with her normal attitude.

"So, wanna go see a movie?"

"No."

"How about a picnic?"

"No."

"I make some really good food!"

"No."

"Let's go visit the Soul Society!"

Glare. "No."

"Uhmmm… So, what's it like owning a hospital?"

"I can live off of it."

"What do you mean?"

"I make a living."

"Ummm…So…how'd you become a hospital owner thing?"

"Through a lot of work."

"But shouldn't you be training as a Quincy?"

"I already trained." Though Ryuken had said it was not Orihime's business, he seemed to be willing to answer some of her questions, though with short answers.

"O..oh… " That excited thing inside of her died out. "So… Where are we going?"

"The hospital." Ryuken wondered how the girl could seem so smart one moment, then so dumb the next.

"Why are we going there? Is someone sick? OH MY GOD. IS IT TATSUKI?"

"I have to do work."

"Oh… Sorry! I jumped to conclusions again!" She knocks herself on the head and laughs.

"Hm."

Following in awkward silence, Orihime eventually found herself in Ryuken's office.

"Just have a seat." He instructed.

Orihime did so. She continued her effort to make small talk, "Um…Nice carpeting…"

"Hm."

The guy seemed impervious to complements. And insults. And small talk. And everything else.

Something finally hit Orihime, "So, why did you decide to go to the Urahara Shop when Mr. Urahara asked you to?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"You said you hated Soul Reapers."

"Exactly."

"…?"

Ryuken when silent for a moment, before finally admitting it. "They have _pictures._"

GROUP 3! ISSHIN AND ICHIGO!

"MY SON!" Isshin roars melodramatically, "I KNEW WE WERE DESTINED TO SPEND THIS DAY TOGETHER!" He attempts to bearhug Ichigo.

"Get off of me!" Ichigo roars back. They end up in a brawl in the middle of the street.

Ichigo uses his Substitute Badge to phase into Soul Reaper form to get away from his father. Though it works in escaping his immediate clutches, Ichigo doesn't have the same luck as Kon, and is still bound to Isshin.

Isshin, not wanting to look like he was hauling around a dead teenager all day, grins and stuffs Ichigo back into his body, taking the badge away from him.

"How did you do that?" Ichigo exclaims. Though forced out of his body several times, he was never forced into it.

"I am your father, Ichigo…! I have… SPECIAL POWERS!" Isshin had seemed serious at first, though it phased into humor at the end.

Ichigo facepalms, only getting another grin out of Isshin. "Where to, my son?"

"I-"

Isshin didn't give his son a chance to respond, "I know! Let's play tag!" He exclaims, using Ichigo's badge to send them both out of their bodies.

"Dad, this isn't going to wor-!"

"Nonsense! You're it!" Isshin tags Ichigo, then flash steps off, just dragging his son along.

"So this is what Superman feels like…" Ichigo thinks, as he is being drug through the air with one arm in front of the rest of his body.

Ichigo was thrown—literally—out of his thoughts when his father came flying at him, "ISSHIN'S-SUPER-SON-I-LOVE-YOU-KICK!" Isshin's foot connected with Ichigo's chin, sending both of them flying towards the ground like some sort of two man cartwheel.

Ichigo braced for impact, when he collided with something soft. He let out a breath of relief, before his father landed on top of him.

"THANKS TESSAI~!" Isshin called.

"Crazy old man!" Ichigo exclaimed, shoving Isshin off of him, and sending them both tumbling down the net.

Ichigo stood up, hauling his father up with him. He brushed off the dust that always seemed to attach to their uniform even when they don't touch the ground. He then punches his father. "You're it."

Before his father can tag him back, Ichigo realizes something. "Where are Karin and Yuzu?"

GROUP 3 ½! INTERLUDE!

Karin, Yuzu, Jinta, and Ururu were in the park, being watching by Toshiro and Rangiku.

Yuzu was currently fawning over her Bostav, which had mysteriously dropped from the sky into her lap. Rangiku had joined in on it, making stick dresses and leaf bows.

Meanwhile, Karin and Toshiro were playing a mean game of soccer. The score was tied, and it was Karin's chance to capture the lead. Going in for the kill, she hits the ball, but a squeal from Yuzu threw her off, and she ended up kicking it way too hard.

She didn't have to go chase it, however, as Jinta leapt out of the bushes, bat in hand. "Jinta! Home run!" The hit was magnificent, hurtling straight towards Ururu. One could almost think that the young boy had purposely aimed at her.

The young girl, however, stood without fear. She pulled out her bazooka.

The ball doesn't exist anymore.

GROUP 4! TESSAI AND URYU!

Uryu was beginning to get extremely irritated. All the Soul Reaper did was sit there. And sit there. And meditate. And sit there. They were the only ones in the store, except for Yoruichi and Chad downstairs, and it was getting absolutely maddening.

Uyru got the feeling that the Shinigami beside him was enjoying it.

Nothing could get a response out of the man. No shaking, no talking, no screaming, nothing. Uryu got the feeling that even if he pulled out his bow and shot him, the man wouldn't respond.

And Uryu used to think that his own mask of apathy was excellent.

Uryu tried a lot more things. He shook him some more, he glared at him, he stole his glasses. Uryu even began to get a bit violent; pulling on his moustache, slapping him, and kicking him. It was embarrassing as heck being brought down to this.

Uryu began to pace the three steps that he could reach. He tried to fight fire with fire, standing there without any emotion or reaction to the other man. That didn't work. He tried to just drag the man along. That didn't work. He must have weighed 300 pounds!

Finally, the man stiffened up. Uryu mentally rejoiced. He finally did it! "One moment please."

Tessai disappeared into a flash step, dragging the unsuspecting Uryu along.

"Gewah!" Uryu slammed into the ground. When Uryu stood up, he came face to face with a strange net like material.

Wait…he sensed something…

He managed to leap back seconds before the net bent with a heavy weight.

"THANKS TESSAI~!" A voice called, before everything blurred again.

Uryu was sent flying over Tessai this time, back in that cursed room, lying on top of said Tessai.

Uryu groaned. He gave up.

Crawling off of Tessai, he sat down beside him, and began to meditate himself.

Then, the most unexpected thing happened. It was the last thing that Uryu would have thought of. Uryu sneezed.

Suddenly, the man was on his feet, Uryu tucked under his arm like a book. "Let's fix that cold before it gets worse."

GROUP 5! RENJI AND RUKIA!

"Fweh. This is stupid." Renji complained, earning a kick from Rukia.

"Don't say that, Renji! Valentine's Day is a day of love! Of secret confessions! Of-!"

"Didn't you read the intro.?" Renji cut Rukia off.

"…What?"

"…Nothing."

"So, where are you going to take me?"

"What?"

"Where are you going to take me?"

Renji just stared at Rukia, pausing in his walk.

"It's Val-en-tine's Day, Ren-ji." Rukia said, breaking each syllable up as if Renji was a kid.

"I figured that out when Urahara said it."

Another kick from Rukia send him to the ground. "Idiot! On Valentine's Day the guy's supposed to be nice to the girl!"

"We are? Owowowow…" Renji's face was getting a nice drilling into the ground.

"Yes. Now, if I let go of you, do you promise to be nice?"

"Fine, fine…"

"I can stay here all day…"

"Yes, ma'am…" Renji sucked it up and got a bit nice.

Rukia stepped off of his head, "My, my, are we getting soft Renji."

Renji was smart enough to stand up before answering her. "There's no way to win with you!"

Rukia flinched back, "Don't hit me!"

Renji blinked, "What?"

A random guy marched over to Renji, "HEY! What do you think you're doing to her?"

"I'm not-!"

Another guy marched over, "You better watch it!"

Renji backed up a bit, "I didn't-!"

A third, "Get him boys!"

A little while later, they finally leave Renji alone.

Rukia smirks triumphantly. "Are you going to be nice to me now?"

GROUP 6! CHAD AND YORUICHI!

Chad stood silently, having to lean to the side just so the bind could reach from his wrist, to Yoruichi's paw.

"This isn't working," Yoruichi purred, walking Chad over to the training area. She then climbed onto his shoulder, allowing him to stand straight if he held his arm a certain way. "Now, if I stay up her, do you think you can climb down?"

Chad tested it, "Yeah."

"Good."

After a slow climb down, Chad and Yoruichi were finally on the ground. Yoruichi climbed down, before shrouding herself in a mist. Chad closed his eyes. He had heard from Ichigo about this.

"Alright!" Said the full form Yoruichi. "Now Chad, first I want you to know that I had nothing to do with this. Second, I'll do everything in my power to get us apart.

Chad gave a blind nod.

"Now, I want you to just stand there, and turn with me."

Yoruichi ran at a high speed, and Chad had to use every ounce of his strength to stay rooted firmly to the spot and rotate without being torn away.

The binding between them slowly stretched with the force of the momentum, though the momentum was taking a toll on Chad also.

With a grunt, Chad focused on holding his spot, not realizing that he was forgetting to turn. The rope began to wrap around him as Yoruichi ran, until the rope reached its limit.

Instead of snapping however, it just stopped stretching. Yoruichi was pulled back with a jerk, and was sent flying back along the course she had run. Chad, who had continued to keep his eyes closed, never saw it coming.

Yoruichi slammed into him, causing them to somehow get tied together.

Chad and Yoruichi sighed.

GROUP REFORM! IT'S THE END!

Urahara stood proudly in his little box, wondering just how he got everyone back on the circle again. He didn't stand there for long; however, as he was soon chased off by a ton of arrows, a few Getsuga Tenshos, a Shihion, a Zabimaru, and a lion plushie.

At everyone's mercy, Urahara asked, "So…Do you know each other better?"

And that is the end. Our little story originally started as a Roleplay, and I was like, "I should SO make this into a story!" And my friend was like, "You should!" So I did. This is intended to be a OneShot, but if enough people would like, I may write a few unrelated pieces…

Oh and, Bleach does not belong to meh!


End file.
